Yapper central part 2
So I was invited to a brithday party for soem guy i barely speak to which is dumb!!1!!!!
Im too shy so i accepted but i found out i was just invited because they wanted more presents and money ugh smh
I knew them from school but im done with school now so its weird
I hate situations like that. anyway i got there and it was awkward and i knew no one there... FMLL and the whole party was just drinking and talking but i had nothingg in common with anyone there. it sucked and i was shy and sad. I didnt want to leave too early and ended up leaving after OVER FOUR HOURS!!!!!! I was basically completely exposed and i was so different to eveeryone there from how i dressed, acted, talked........... i just sat in a corner awkwardly it was painful why did i go why why why why why why why
Ugh I quit my job as well, from a week from now i will officially be a stupid neet bum
I said id record stuff for my blogs but ive been too sad and tired getting out of bed is a chore and im barely sleeping at night. its kinda my fault but it hurts a lot i hate waking up tired its so painfull knowing "oh boy 6 to 9 hours of work feeling like this" and at work im just quiet and it gets kinda lonely i wish i could talk to people there. ive been trying to lose more weight atm im like 64kg 6 foot tall but i ate a ton the past two days so RIP. ive been doing lots of cardio at night which has made my sleep suck cus i spend so long trynna hit goals that i end up losing sleep and falling asleep mid cardio trying to actually reach my calory goals. i wish i was more handsome so i didnt have to do this kinda stuff
I do lots of weird things to try and improve my looks and its so much efffort and its uncomfortable especially starving myself and doing weird psuedoscience retarded things, ive tried everything under the sun and caused myself some hard. I considered getting cosmetic surgeries but its expensive and the one cheap cosmetic change i tried to get was incredibly minor and i was REJECTED IT. i wish i didnt look like this im gross especially right now
i use discord a lot now a days cus i talk to randoms online. i found this cool server that i use often and i use /soc/ on 4chan to speak to poeple as well to cure my lonliness. im kinda stupid but i get lonly easily. being almost 20 now and a lonely virgin isnt enough to get sad over but i tend to overreact to my lonliness. the feeling makes me cry sometimes which is lame. by definition maybe im not a complete "incel" as i could bruteforce myself out of it which makes me a semi "volcel" or "failed normie" but like using that kind of talk is cringe as hell especially as of now. Its just that i used incel forums and servers to cope and speak and relate to people and i met cool people, small incel youtubers and etc which made me feel better. its one huge cope basically and its engrained in me so I cant see myself leaving this whole incel thing behind.
ive been playing a lot of roblox recently I think im gona try play more games cus i have barely played anything in the past 4 months ive mainly been using discord which is really sad. I use to be so desperate that id go on random servers and turn my cam on so people would join voicechannels because it gets people curious so they can screenshot my face and laugh at me or whatever. tbh like 60% of the time people are nice about it and dont bully or insult me.
I want my blogs to be short and easy to read but this ones a bit chunky and weird but thats it for now
